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Today I Felt Depressed

*TRIGGER WARNING FOR THOSE DEALING WITH DEPRESSION*

Today, I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to check my phone knowing all the notifications waiting for me. I didn’t want to spend the energy making food to nourish my body, even though consciously I knew that would only add to my energy.

Today, I didn’t want to have any social interaction, even if that meant ignoring my friend’s text messages asking if I am okay. I didn’t want to take my puppy on a walk and soak in the sunshine, in fact the thought of it, I dreaded. Showering, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, even putting on clothes seemed like one of the hardest tasks to face.

Today, my depression and anxiety took over.

These are the days I shame myself for knowing better, but not doing better. I know I should take my medication. I know I should not stay in bed all day sleeping and watching mindless tv. I know I should nourish my body with food and water. I know I should meditate and do my affirmations and practice gratitude and read my self-help books and blah blah blah.

Trust me, I know all of this.

But here’s what’s different today than the other days previous; I recognize that sometimes my body needs rest. I am not going to feel 100% every single day of my life AND THAT’S OKAY! We’ve been conditioned our entire lives to feel shameful and guilty on those days we need rest. To ALWAYS be working and useful to society. To give and give and give…but what happens when we give until we are empty and there’s nothing left to give?

It took me 24 years of my life to realize my cup had to be full before I ever tried to fill someone else’s cup, and even now, I still find myself feeling guilty and struggling with the false narratives I was raised to believe in our culture.

I guess I am writing this post for anyone who feels guilty for “not doing more.” Our bodies have a magnificent way of telling us when we need to rest, so if you are feeling burnt out, stressed, depressed, or just downright tired, GO AHEAD AND REST.

This is your sign to take a much-deserved break. This is your sign to put yourself first. This is your sign to FILL YOUR CUP! I promise it’ll only help in the long run. Blessings, xo 

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